Little Jokes

Turtle

wpman — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 08:00:06 +0000

“Mommy, my turtle is dead,” Little Johnny sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said,” That’s all right, dear. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we’ll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet…” Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. “Little Johnny, you’re turtle is not dead after all.”

“Oh,” the disappointed Little Johnny said, “can I kill it?”

“Dear” Meat

wpman — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 11:45:05 +0000

One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn’t figure out what it was.So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,”Okay,I’ll give you a hint.I call your father this.”Little Johnny said to his brother,”Quick Bobby, spit it out,its asshole!”

LITTLE BILLY ON…ENGLISH

wpman — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 15:45:13 +0000

A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word “‘fascinate.’” Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate.’” Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him. Billy said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”

LITTLE JOHNNY TAKES IT ALL OFF

wpman — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 17:15:09 +0000

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls. Could you please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”

So Little Johnny’s mother takes him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

“First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…”

So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

“Take off my skirt…”

Little Johnny takes off her skirt.

“Take off my bra.”

He takes off her bra.

“Now, Johnny, please take off my panties.”

When Little Johnny is finally done taking off the clothes, she says, “Johnny, Please don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!”

LITTLE JOHNNY HAS YOUR NUMBER

wpman — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:45:15 +0000

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

“Yes,” he says. “My daddy taught me.”

“Can you tell me what comes after three?”

“Four,” answers little Johnny.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven,” answers little Johnny.

“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?”

“A jack,” answers little Johnny.

SISTER SUSAN PILES ON THE POUNDS

wpman — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 00:15:08 +0000

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. “Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?” he asked.

“No, Father. Just a little gas,” Sister Susan explained.

A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. “Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?” he asked again.

“Oh no, Father. Just a little gas,” she replied again.

A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, “Cute little fart.”

Following An Example

wpman — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 01:30:05 +0000

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man! I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning again. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaned, “I need a bike! I need a bike!”

Definately

wpman — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 05:15:04 +0000

One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word definately in a sentence. Suzy raised her hand so she called on her.
She said, “The sky is definately blue!”
“I’m sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?”
Timmy raised his hand and said, “The grass is definately green.”
“I’m sorry Timmy that’s not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Teacher do farts have lumps?”
The teacher says, “no why?”
Johnny says, “Then I definately Shit my pants!”

Taken Apart

wpman — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 10:00:04 +0000

Little Johnny asked his mother, “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?”

“Of course not! Where did you hear such nonsense?”

Little Johnny answered, “The other day, when Daddy and his friend were working out in the garage he said that he screwed the a$$ off his secretary.”

Johnny’s Heavy Wagon

wpman — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 12:30:05 +0000

Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.

He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.

He started up the hill but was constantly swearing “This God damn thing is so heavy”

A priest heard him and came out. “You shouldn’t be swearing” said the priest. “God hears you…He is everywhere…He’s in the chruch…He’s on the sidewalk…He’s everywhere”

Then Little Johnny says “Oh is he in my Wagon”

The prist replies “Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon”

Little Johnny says “Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling”