Koala Bear Joke
1. Two feet tall, forty feet wide
2. Salesman’s opening line: “You’re not a cop, are you?”
3. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it
4. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride
5. Each branch has “Duraflame” printed on it
6. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list
7. It’s very small and says “Air Freshener” on it
8. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours
9. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it
10. Constantly bragging about its “trunk size”
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Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.”
“What do you mean,” he replied, “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?”
“45? You’re not 45, you’re 82,” replied the angel.
“Wait a minute. If you think I’m 82 then you have the wrong guy. I’m only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.”
“Hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82…”
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A young boy went to his father and asked, “Dad, what’s the difference between theory and reality?”
“Well, son, the best way to explain this is a practical exercise. Go ask your Mom if she’d sleep with a stranger a million dollars and come tell me her answer.”
The boy returned and said, ” She said she would, Dad.” “OK,” replied the father, “Go ask your sister the same question.”
The boy returned and said that his sister also answered yes to the question and then asked his Dad, “What’s this got to do with theory and reality?”
“It’s simple, son. In theory, we live with millionaires. In reality, we live with a couple of sluts.”
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Two old men were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first man said, “Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older.”
“What do you mean?” asked the second man.
“Well,” replied the first. “I can barely remember the last time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is healthier than ever!”
“Healthier? How is that?” his buddy wondered.
“Well, years ago, when we were younger, almost every night before bed she’d get these terrible headaches.” he answered. “Now that we’re older, she hasn’t had a headache in years.”
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Bill’s friend Harry was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him “Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat”.
The next morning his wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Not sure when Harry gets out of the Hospital.
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