“Mommy, my turtle is dead,” Little Johnny sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said,” That’s all right, dear. We’ll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, and have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we’ll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet…” Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. “Little Johnny, you’re turtle is not dead after all.”
“Oh,” the disappointed Little Johnny said, “can I kill it?”
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One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn’t figure out what it was.So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,”Okay,I’ll give you a hint.I call your father this.”Little Johnny said to his brother,”Quick Bobby, spit it out,its asshole!”
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A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word “‘fascinate.’” Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate.’” Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him. Billy said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”
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Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls. Could you please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.”
So Little Johnny’s mother takes him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.
“First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse…”
So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
“Take off my skirt…”
Little Johnny takes off her skirt.
“Take off my bra.”
He takes off her bra.
“Now, Johnny, please take off my panties.”
When Little Johnny is finally done taking off the clothes, she says, “Johnny, Please don’t wear any of my clothes to school any more!”
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The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he says. “My daddy taught me.”
“Can you tell me what comes after three?”
“Four,” answers little Johnny.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven,” answers little Johnny.
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job.
What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” answers little Johnny.
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